Listening to how Those I help talk about and act towards me

     For as long as I can remember, I have lived my life trying to make everyone happy and leaving myself for last. Lately though, I have looked at those people that I have recently been living to please, I realize that not only can I please everyone all of the time but these people also are those that seriously need to take their knives out of my back. I know that I cannot handle anymore before the kindness that was left in my heart after the world kicked most of it out of me, bleeds out into a puddle on the floor and I become a bitter woman who feels nothing but hatred and betrayal toward everyone and every thing around me.I feel these feelings clouding my heart and soul, even as I am writing this post
      I don't expect a thank you or to be paid but these people are supposed to be family or friends. I feel like if I help and give as much as I am able and even more, I should be able to ask every once in a while for help the few times I need it. Not be trash talked to everyone until you need me to drive you all over town, or babysit, or give you money, or time. Not to KNOW that my children have no food in their mouths, but yet you take money that should have been mine had I not had a painful procedure done, buy 4 bags of groceries with it for your house that has food and don't even think to get a pack of hamburger or a can of beans for my family with the 40-50 dollars that should have been mine. I've done everything I can for these people and the time I'm in a rut, I get called lazy, someone who does nothing but try to borrow from them, because I need a small amount of food until I get paid. I'm so over trying to make these impossible inconsiderate people happy all the damn time. I'm ready to please me and my children first and then worry about others. My first step to doing this is to start taking time out for ME and be selfish for my children and me. This means no more loaning, doing favors, or anything else for people unless I WANT to. NOT because I FEEL OBLIGATED or because you GIVE ME A GUILT Trip!
      . This is a super long rant because I NEED to VENT! No, I don't want your sympathy. If you want to comment, feel free. I am here now, writing this down, simply to remind myself whenever I begin feeling generous to those who I have allowed to make me feel inferior, of the reasons that I stopped trying to make everyone happy and start working on my happiness for a change. Thanks for reading, or not reading, whichever you decide. Whichever makes YOU happy :)